I am tired of lying to everyone about my life and what's going on. So, I'm going to put it here where everyone can see. The events of today and the stress I have gone through has made me realize that I just need to stop lying.
I arrived in California at the end of January. I went to a homeless shelter, expecting to only stay for the first week of school. I had a paycheck coming from the work I did for my aunt. I would use that along with the 400 that chase bank had been holding to get a place. My sister, Julie, promised me that if I left the house in Tennessee to her that she would take care of it. On Feb 1st, she did not pay rent. Something happened with her roommate's boyfriend that scared her, so she spent her money to buy locks, taxi ride, and various other things. The 800 i had...well...it went to the house.
Why?
Well, my name is on the lease, not my sister. I set it up where my landlords believed i was still on the east coast so my sister and the roommate we found on craigslist could live there. Otherwise, I coulda just paid two months rent and been finished with the lease. I don't care if i don't get my 960 deposit back in comparison to spending four months gathering money to pay a lease, like I am now. Now, the roommate pays by the week she lives there, which means the money does not always pay for the month. Its more that we pay for the month and get the money of her half back. its not really a grand idea, imo.
Please keep in mind, 800 is all I had to my name. I paid everything to the house, but I was officially homeless at this point. I had no money to my name and no way to do anything. eventually, I ran out of food. I had money for food stored away. I panhandled at south coast plaza for three hours for enough money to eat at subway on the first sunday in feb. Yes, it took three hours to get five bucks. I wanted a five dollar foot long. This is why i hate panhandling. I, eventually, went to Social Services. I told them I was a homeless college student needing help. they put me on food stamps, because i was under 12 hours, and offered me monetary help. I took the monetary help so I could pay my own bills. The food stamps lasted through most of feb. Around the end of feb, I ran out of food stamps and started stealing food from grocery stores on days I was at school. Huntington Beach does not have places that homeless can eat, and Santa Ana is too far away. My only option was to steal.
My sister promised to get everything paid back and to stay with my aunt. This gave me hope that I would be off the streets soon enough. I told my aunt that what julie made would have to go towards the house, because i wanted that taken care of before I went to get a place. April was the last month, which meant rent was to be paid April 1st for the last month. that would be good timing to make sure everything was paid and I was free of the lease. My sister went to work for my aunt when she got out of the hospital.
Everything seemed to be going fine after a few situations at the house in Knoxville were taken care of. The roommate decided to leave because she could not live without her boyfriend's help, and her boyfriend was banned from the property for domestic violence. My landlords were not going to let him return. The roommate was behind by two weeks. She said she would pay it, which she still has not and I do not have contact with her.
My landlords made a deal. If i pay for march, they would find new renters. If they found new renters to move in by april 1st, I would not have to pay april's rent. I was excited by this idea. I contacted my sister. She agreed to this deal. She knew she would not be living there, but it would free everyone from the lease.
Then we come to today, march 1st. What do i see on my phone when i first wake up at this homeless shelter that i sleep at? A message from my mother stating my sister is refusing to pay for march cause she is not living there. I called my mother to talk about it. Obviously, I became upset and very emotional at the news. My mother agreed to pay what she could to take care of the situation so that we could get the house taken care of.
I called my sister later to find out if there was a way to fix this predicament. She has stated that my mother took care of it so she doesn't need to help or do anything. She feels she should not pay what so ever because she is not staying there this month.
So what now?
Well...I stay homeless. The shelter closes around april 1st. A date has yet to be given, but on average it closes the beginning of april or the end of march. I will sleep on the streets when the shelter closes. There is no choice because I am already here taking classes. I have to figure out a way to pull 103 dollar out my ass by monday so i can have a security guard license for my new job. I, also, have to find a way to get 300 for an unpaid electric bill (which was a bill that julie and the roommate used but have not paid money for), get 200 for two loans i took out before i arrived in california, find money for my cell phone, and do a lot of things except for get housing. Most say that housing is important. i agree, but I have other responsibilities too. I will probably continue to steal from grocery stores, since I will not have food stamps until March 9th. My method doesn't get me caught because the food never leaves the store. I go to the stores with cafes in them and eat at the cafe then throw away the wrapper.
And as for my mother....
My mother will be stuck at home with the possibility of not being able to pay bills, see her grand daughter for her birthday, or having gas to get to work. I forsee the possibility of her not having any money for food or anything else. Her whole paycheck went to paying for a house she does not live in.
As for my sister...
well, she doesn't care. My situation and my mother's situation does not matter. None of this benefits or hurts her. She is protected and has no reason to care. She refused to talk to me about it any further.
My only real advantage is that I have gained a friend. He chats with me and helps me stay somewhat sane. In a normal situation, we wouldn't be friend or even met. We are complete opposites. He, one day, bought me hot coco because i was sick and short on money. I watched him over the next few days to see if he was a creep or an actual nice person. It turned out he was a nice person that liked to make sure others were okay, even if he doesn't always do it in the wisest of ways. This friend is likely to disappear once I leave the shelter. I am fine with that. I have to focus on getting out of this situation. Maybe we'll still meet at McDonalds every morning. That would help me stay sane, cause i remember how paranoid I was when I use to sleep in office plazas and near the block with josh. It was worse when I was stuck somewhere alone because i missed a bus.
I will do whatever I have to at this point. I have a job, i love the Deaf culture here, and my education is going well. There is a lot here for me. I will eventually be back on my feet.
For now, I am just extremely mad at my sister. I did not expect to be put in this situation. I expected to stay at the shelter while i looked for a place then select a place to live.
I know most say come home, but I can't. I really do love it here. I'll suffer through what i have to so i can finish school and have a place. I'm at a school with my major and going to apply to a school with more possibilities. What more could i want, education wise.
The lab at the school is closing. Enjoy your day.
