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o_O Oops wrong blog!! I removed what i put in here cause i know this automatically posts to my facebook

hording

So okay julie watches this hoarder show on tlc and a&e. I'm sorta hooked now. Not cause its shocking....but cause i know it could be me. My aunt Karen was her own type of hoarder. I know i get some of it from being around her. She always says i may need this for here or there then later throws it away or gives it away. I prefer giving since it doesn't feel wasted. I use to call myself a packrat, which isn't much different. Michael helped me take notice to my habits and helped me try to let go. He'd say things like "Janay! You don't need a receipt from McDonald's from three months ago unless you are going to throw it up now and say it made you sick." Sometimes the strangest things take my notice :P I know I still have the tendencies to want to buy and be prepared for what may happen then buy cause I'm stressed out. The past year has taught me I can't ever be prepared for anything or everything that may happen....cause the unexpected happens first. I just accept it and go on.

I have habits I've created to stop prevent hoarding or buying in general. I convince myself I'm broke without money or if i buy something then I'll not have money for some object i feel I need. It only goes wrong when my stress levels are overpowering. I work on them the best I can.

I also know i can't stop it. When i leave a place, you'll find me sorting through things to see what i need or don't....then you end up with tons of things getting given away or thrown out hte door cause I don't see the point. i do horde crafts. I want to craft again, but I haven't stayed in one place long enough or i was working too much at ACT. I hope to start on them next year once I have a desk to place them on :p I refuse to do them on anything but a desk. haha. I sometimes horde other things, but i'm not as bad as I use to be. I'd take in anything. I TRY to think of do i need it now. If i don't feel I'm in the right mindset, I'll pass it by cause I hate getting things then later thinking "Why did i even want this". I let go easier, but I still am afraid of becoming a hoarder. Those shows remind me of how bad it could get if I don't keep a watch on it.

School is finally here!

So a lot has been going through my head since orientation last weds. I mean go onto this campus after all these years of trying to become just an asl major alone. Its kinda cool to talk with other students and hear "What major are you?" "ASL" "Really?" "Yeah." "Me too!" Just being on the Woods campus is like being told you finally made it....the feeling of finally being somewhere with my major that I worked hard and struggled the past year to get to then finally have others in the same major around me just feels awesome. One girl has taken a liking to me thats a double asl major like I am. She'll approach me when she sees me. Its kinda cool. Makes me kinda miss adams and angles cause the familiar is always good to have around. Orientation was good. Took care of a lot of business and learned about that whole greek thing (always wanted to understand the point). I thought about rushing but then I thought about the next year. Its not the best idea right now since it requires commitments I can't do. I'll still be active for my lead points to keep my lead scholarship, but I'm going to end up with about two part time jobs and one that could go either part time or full time...part of me doesn't want to wait on walmart cause i need to take care of bills and just get back on my feet to where I'm comfortable....though the truth to that is I'll never be settled til about march 2011 since I have a lot to take care of. XD who knows maybe I"ll never settle. I mean the longest i've lived in one place was high school! haha.

So today was the first day of school. I stayed up catching up on undercover boss. >.< yeah I know don't stay up late. I woke up and got ready for school. Got to class late since I don't move near campus til friday....so i'm like thirty or so mins away. Parking is hellish! I was at the end of my asl class, since first day isn't the full hour. I walked in and a girl was talking in the back of the room, so i thought she was the teacher then i noticed all the students looked forward to the front of the room. She was the teacher's interpreters. It was cool though. I chose Woods for the fact that they are involved, have a deaf community nearby to give opportunities while I study, small town, and a ton of other reasons. I sit down and fill out my name for attendance. Teacher explains the syllabus and teaches us "class dismissed" then shows us "you want class dismissed" in sign and we were to answer yes or no in sign. :P I answered no. haha. The teacher kinda laughed then released the class. I went to find my car to move it. I park it at walmart, which is a block away. Why? Cause its 50 bucks for a parking sticker! OMG! I'm cool with walking til winter. haha. I come back then go to the commuter student louge. I chatted with a lady for a few mins then tried setting up my wireless for school while listening to these girls talk. I tried being nice at a few points, but I felt like they just felt they were above others. its like gamers with newbies....freshmen are still learning and its their first day, give us a chance....and don't act like you're above freshmen cause you didn't take all your general/common courses in your early years. Next came my algebra 2 class. I got lost cause the same person was in there from earlier. (majority of my classes are in the same building cause its the building where they do ASL) They asked me what class then they told me it was the right one. I went in. We laughed and wrote which dwarf we'd be. (Yes lina we sung small world after all too XD j/k ) Then we all talked about ourselves to introduce us to the class. Seemed ot be a good group of students. She talked about the class and what to expect. Next I went to ASL Career, which is to help introduce us to the deaf culture and what it is to be an asl interpreter. Its taught by a Woods professor/ASL advisor who is an interpreter outside the campus. She told us about class and what to expect. She spoke about issues in deaf culture and the interpreter world that we would discuss that I knew nothing about. very interesting controversies out there. I spoke with her about STLCC classes and Interships future wise. I know most will look to getting their internship in mo. I'm thinking I may speak with ETSU or the medical people in ne tn for my internship. Who knows. I won't make plans til I get to that point. I had my last class, history.  History teacher is fun and has a good sense of humor. Still not as good as garman, haha. We introduced ourselves. I got tired of it by then so he asked my name and i said, "I'm bob! I have no home town!" then took it another direction. We discussed the classes and I got to find out what I need to do to have a lower priced book. He doesn't like it being 150 for a book set.

I've actually been nervous about my choice to go into ASL til today. As i went into my two classes, I realized it combines a lot of things i love; interacting with people, communicating and working with people, social sciences (mostly psy and sociology), and various other things. I'm actually excited for what I want to do in school. I get to do everything I love and constantly learn new things even through my career. It's an endless adventure to me. I can't wait to get fluent then volunteer in the community or at the school for the deaf. I can't wait to explore what area I prefer and so forth. Its just exciting cause there is no limit as an interpreter at what I can do! The world really is my oyster....eat up! XD

Family

I was thinking about this past year earlier today. Since Jan'09 I've gone through a lot more than in the past...and a year ago I decided to move to mo. My family has been great about it. They have expressed how they felt but still supported me through the process. Mom would say things like, "I don't like it and don't agree, but if it makes you happy." there are things they could have done to keep me back in tn and not doing what I have been doing. they could have not helped support me, but they have. They have been there the whole way doing the best they can. 

I'm very thankful for the family and friends that I have. I hate that i make them go through so much shit, but I"m glad everyone, even doug, is there for me. Yes, I know doug can seem like an asshole or get on people's nerves cause he says things before thinking about how it'll effect others. But, I think he is doing far better than he use to. Maybe the word thing will be fixed, who knows.

As I go forward, I just hope that I can give back to them as they've given to me through this journey. It just reminds me that I have family and am loved. I have amazing friends, like angles and adams, that support me and remind me to do what makes me happy. They also say and do things that make me laugh and chill through my day. Its amazing that I'm 1200 or so miles away, but my friends can still make me smile

I appreciate you all. Thank you.

Time marches on

So lets see i've been here ten days or so :: looks at a calendar :: yeah about ten days. Figure i should update. Getting here, my boss let me have the day off cause i told her about not sleeping well for two days due to packing. I knew I needed a second job cause I'm just not making enough to catch up on bills and live on my own. I can't live on campus cause it'll cost me about 500 or so a month to share a dorm and eat crappy food...i ate at tucker lunch hall...it is crappy tasting. I also needed to house hunt. I thought job first til ju's strange neighbors started yelling or banging on ju's door. One guy actually has a sign on the door that if he hears noise he'll call the cops...he's ju's next door neighbor....-_- He just had to be her neighbor. One guy wouldn't stop knocking all night and we didn't know why. So house hunting came up. I started looking around fulton. We learned something in one day....we have bad credit and you can't job hunt with students coming in for college....makes it harder to get a place cause all the landlords think "i got better options on the way". So we gave up and started to look into ways to help julie with bills and such. I figured i can look later when they are a bit more desperate. hehe. I thought i could help Ju with my paycheck but i haven't been doing outbounds....so >.> my paycheck for about two weeks is gonna be say maybe 100 bucks or less. Me and julie started pulling up options cause her landlord started pulling out crazy fees while i was gone! Julie gave up then found a place in fulton for me then decided to take the option she had in STL, even though she doesn't feel she can live in stl cause she thinks she lacks qualifications. (Don't think she remembers they are training for the upcoming tax year atm at the saint charles office.)

I went to the fulton place. I talked to them. its 250 mo room for rent with utlities and internet. Its decent and ten miles from school. This helps since jeff city takes 1/4th a tank one way. Wonder if its legal to go 10 under the speed limit in mo >.> cause 70 mi/hr takes a lot of gas it seems compared to 60 mi/hr. This fulton idea would save me on gas since I don't make much right now. I hate that call center work has its seasons....really sucks when you go from making 3k/mo to 400/mo or less.(I could make more but my dedication sucks at time as does my sentences when i speak...its based on performance and attendance...i suck at attendance) I've taken it. They mentioned having spare rooms. I talked with them. They were willing to take ju in. I brought her by the next day and arrangements were made.

Before i went to see the fulton place, I got a call from walmart in Jeff City. The next day, I went for two interviews then was offered the job the day after. This I wouldn't mind traveling to Jeff City for. It also has potential for moving forward to the fulton walmart, which is a block from school, cause of what wire (walmart's hr system) offers internally. I go monday for my final paperwork. I pray everything works out right. Whats great is its third shift. I can go to work, go to school, come home and sleep, do homework, go to work...and do it all over again. My only thing is figuring out how to keep my WaH job.

School is going well. I may have to drop english since its a T TH class and all my others are MWF. I can take it in the spring. My main concern is my ASL classes more than general. Generals can be taken at any school. I can even do them as distance classes. I am fine with financial aid as long as i keep 12 credits....i have a 2500 award that requires me to be full time. I'm a bit scared of starting school cause its finally at the serious point, but it is what comes first before everything else. I will sacrifice whatever I have to so i can pass. I've worked too hard to get this far.

Thats my story and i'm sticking too it :p

Take care. Time to watch the bleach movie on tv then to bed. I got sunday off as usual. May log into work to see if i get calls. -_- yeah i'm desperate to be working seven days straight. Really need to get back on outbounds. I think its cause of the moving and school starting that they think i'm unreliable. who knows.

Love your baby girl

So i'm back home in mo, which means i'll be blogging more often. The reason i blog is to let those i love know whats going on. Last night when i started out towards the long 12 hr trip, I thought about things...mostly..my mom cried when i left. My mom goes through a lot with me over the past ten years, but she's very strong and amazing. She's always been there all my life even though we didn't live with her our whole life. The past nine years has been hard and she's been there. She was there when dad told me not to come back home cause I wanted to help a friend instead of staying at my grandmother's to finish out my driving class. She didn't push me to go to tn at first. She understood we were young and 18. My friends and I wanted to have our own place and feel all adult...sadly we didn't understood what that entailed. After a week or two of teens doing crazy things, she took me back to tn/va since we couldn't get a place of our own. I stayed the summer with family then went to mom's in bristol in august to get a job. She taught me to drive then helped me get a license. She helped me as i struggled to get my first job then got one at sonic. (Its frustrating when mcd's says you don't have experience for them to hire you >.>)

Over the years though, I've learned a lot cause of my mom. If i don't know, I go to her and ask. She's always willing to give advice. She's patient as I discover my world and try to figure out what I want for my life. I tell people, with pride honestly, I am my mother's daughter. I mean that as in I am very much like my mother. Most would think this is bad, but my mom is a great person. She doesn't always make the wisest move but she does her best to follow her heart and live life to the best of her ability. She's helped me with so much over the years. She was there with a uhaul and my brothers when i went back to sc to go to g'ville tech and it fell through. She helped me get home when i went to cali and needed to return home cause something was found in my chest. (its still there >.>) She was there when Michael broke up with me to call nathan to tell him why i couldn't talk then stayed through the whole process. She was there on my stupid chattanooga run back in summer'07 when I wanted to start my asl degree before learning tn was dropping it. She helped me get my car and helped me get my apt in johnson city while I focused on work and finally starting on being serious about my asl education. She was there when I wanted to start at a school finally and went  applying. She was there when I started at ETSU and lost my job at ACT. She helped me learn about medical insurance and unemployment. She's helped me in finding out the medical issues I have and figuring out what they really were. She supported me when I moved to mo last august to see if the schools in mo were what i wanted for my education, since they have both associates and bachelors....which isn't common from what i've researched. She's still with me today as I journey to get to the point I've worked to for five years, starting my asl bachelors at an asl school. I've been through a lot of hell the past year, so it makes being at WWU truly worth it.

Mom has suffered and cried many many tears while still encouraging me through everything. She's the reason I have the hope I have and encourage others to dream without limits. Its why I use sl because I believe we shouldn't have limits, and second life is the world without limits. I stopped believing in the idea of settling for what i'm given and go for my dreams. The next four or so years (i'm a double major in asl and interpreting) will include many risks. I hope to be able to do it on my own....and without crazy roommates who are bipolar or having yapping dogs...well lina's crazy but i love her type of crazy. haha. Mom has given me to the tools i need for my future. Now i can step forward and do what i need to have the life i wish for.

We joke that i owe mom hundreds of thousands of dollars, but I owe mom everything for making me the adult I am and letting me grow instead of telling me what adult i should be. If i ever have kids, I wouldn't mind being the crazy mom she is cause she's an amazing mother. She says she regrets many things, but those things have made her who she is. As J Reu says, "Hindsight is a beautiful thing when you can look back and see what time can bring." Remember changing the past and regretting it changes who you are now and the life you have. ;) Never regret. Learn, enjoy, and smile that you lived well.

now to watch ju's crazy reality shows >.> or just chat on sl haha