Relationships....

I'm going to try to make this as understandable as possible, which usually doesn't work out. XP

All around me i see people in relationships...dating, married, or what not. Long ago far away it use to make me sad cause I didn't have one of those and never experienced a REAL one. Part of that loneliness is what made me jump into one with my ex. Over the years, I've stayed by myself. I did it at first because i was hurt from everything with michael and confused. It took probably about a year and half or more to get over him. No more than two years. Over time, I've become comfortable with myself. I actually like being by myself. I have interest in men and so forth, but I just don't have interest in relationships right now. I don't foresee me with kids or any of that. No man in my life has actually ever really interested me to the point I wanted to date them. I'm picky as my friends say. Trust me, they have tried. Though 'cross dressing michael jackson man with the holes in his jeans and shirt balding issue with vanilla preferences' was a bad BAD choice. The thing is...I'm fine with being single. I'm very fine with it. I like being me and want only people around who appreciate me for who I am. I want people who respect me for the person I am. I don't care if its friends, family, or what not.

The fact that I've never been interested in someone enough to date them just tells me that I'll probably be single for the rest of my days. I'm fine with that. I have a life with problems but its a fulfilling life in its own way. Its a great life. Anyone who knew what i went through growing up would know a lot of what I go through now is nothing in comparison. In truth, I would say only my father, siblings, Elisha, and Pebbles knew what we really went through. My younger years has taught my older self to live a full life and do what it takes to be happy in my own life. Doesn't have to be filled with drama or a bad path. Those are choices...choices i can choose to not do.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I don't mind anything about my situation. I'm not closed to the idea of something happening in the future, but I'm not going to hope for it. I live day to day. I can't hope for more than to get through the day I'm in. Who knows what could happen. With my body :P really who does know XD I got too many diseases that show me to just live daily.

Taking action

So being alone this week has given me time to calm down and think. I do better when I'm by myself. Helps me sort things together. I've come to realize that being unemployed, stuck in the middle of nowhere with no way to get anywhere, idle time, no jobs in the paper, and multiple amounts of other things has caused me to just not want to try at all. With the amount of technology in my life (cause i love technology), its easy to escape into those things and not try at all. I've spent time thinking about how i could get what i needed done without escaping. I am removing skype, steam, and second life from my computer. I'm hiding the links to the games. I am stopping the creation of my sl items and posting them for now

I have a lot of things to take care of and get in order. I'll go back to my online business and continue onward when i get these things set. The amount of time it'll take is unknown, but its important i do these cause this is my real life i'm talking about that needs to be put in order. It has to come first. Once i get it settled, I'll probably limit my online time to weekends. School and everything else must come first.

I love my online world and online friends. They are all wonderful people that help contribute to me, but I know you can get lost in the online world and make it your whole life. I don't need to do that right now. I want to finish my education and get my life going. Thank you all.