As most know, my boyfriend is bipolar. After some recent events in the past month, I've gotten words about my choice to stay with him. Some looks make it seem like they think i'm suffering from battered women syndrom or something. Hearing some words recently got me thinking. I thought I would share my thoughts.
Before being around him in august, I knew nothing of bipolar. I knew it existed. I knew people that had it....but i had no real understanding of bipolar and what it meant to be around a bipolar person as much as i'm around him. I thought I knew what i was getting into with his bipolar before we decided to officially date. I was wrong.
I had a misunderstanding of bipolar and what it was to be someone with bipolar. He suggested that I actually learn about the disorder. I decided that I should and see if being with him is worth it.
If you're going to be with someone with a mental disorder, you need to know if you can handle it.
My research explained a lot of his behavior. It also showed that there would be bumps along the way. Bipolars flip from emotion to emotion and tend to be impulsive. He does this often. I think today I saw about six or so mood swings. I know I at least got four apologies for it. His manic stages can drive me crazy sometimes, but I have my method of handling them. He finds me later when he's normal....which sometimes is an hour or more later. He tries his best to control his impulsiveness, but it gets the best of him. From what I read, bipolars can tend to take their wants over their needs (well as I see it). They will go for things that they like and are interesting. They can spend a ton of money on crap while living in that moment. I've seen him order crap he doesn't need or can't use. I try to keep a handle on things by controlling things, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes, he will figure out where things are then take off with them to get what he wants. That's when i gotta call in others to help. Luckily, there are people who understand and are willing to do what they can to help with this issue. They want to give him a better life because they care so much for him. I'm glad they are here to help. I have many other things, but that would be getting into too many details.
There's a lot to handle when you're with a bipolar. There's a lot to consider, too. Not everyone can handle being in such a situation. For me, I consider him. I consider who he is beneath it all and how he feels. I know he cares about me. I know he's a good person. Even in some of his fits of anger, he still does small things that let me know he cares. He will bitch and yell at me then walk off, but he will stop and wait for me when he's done storming off half a block away. I've yelled at him to let me have what is mine, so I could leave like he wants (which wasn't what he wanted). He refused. Not because he wanted the stuff, but I could tell he didn't want me to go. He will yell things he doesn't mean then apologize for it later. You gotta be willing to take such things. Through it all, i see reminders that say why i'm with him. Why i haven't left yet. Its not emotions or some fear of being alone. I've been alone most of my life. I'm quite comfortable with being by myself. My reason comes down to this is a person I want to be with. I want to be with them because there are many things about them that are unique and that I need/want in my life. I do question myself from time to time if there will be a future. Truth is, you never really know how the future will pan out. I live day to day and handle each moment as it passes.
Dating a bipolar is not a burden to me. Its definitely a test of my patience, but it is also something I take on with joy. I learn new things from him each day about his disorder and his view on it. I'm always willing to listen. I don't let him slide because of it, though. If i did, we'd probably be beyond broke :p He knows it. This relationship is a challenge, but its a challenge I want to take on and see how far it will go.
With what happened the other day, I didn't feel bad or frown. I didn't really defend myself. What happened made me appreciate who i'm with. The events made me want to go home and spend time with him. I appreciate him for who he is. I accept his bipolar because it doesn't define him. It is just a piece of him.
I've learned that people can say what they like. I'm fine with who I'm with. I'll stay with him til the day he doesn't want me or I don't feel the relationship should continue, if it happens.
Thats all I have to say for now. I should go to bed. Good night!
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