Indecisive

So maybe its taken a turn for the worst on this decision. I thought i'd be staying in tn. I got angry at mom and doug for getting on my nerves. I just felt like doing things my way. I was happy and proud i cooked eggs on my own. I wanted to clean on my own. They kept going about it.

I don't think doug realizes that when he speaks to people it sounds like attitude constantly. It gets on my nerves. I up and walked out. I wasn't taking any shit. I have been taking enough lately. Every time i want to go somewhere he gets upset and says he can't do it. I'm so tired of this. I'm' so tired of being limited

ju and i spoke about getting a place for six months in mo til she gets her new place. It sounds good cause I can do everything in mo. But there are things i want to do here if given the right chance....don't knwo if i'll get it. I've spent a month trying to get the work study done. its sorta aggravating.

Well I kinda had it and said fuck it, as previously said. Mom later came in and talked to me. I feel bad now cause I think i hurt mom's feelings. Mom just doesn't understand how i feel. she loves it here. I don't. They sometimes make me feel bad in general. Thats why i left to mo. They make me feel like I shouldn't be here with a lot of their jokes. It hurts really. They don't even pay attention to how i feel.

In mo, I don't have to worry about anything but work. There are jobs....but they wait a long time to hire. its annoying.

I have to be honest...my main reason for staying in tn was to reconnect with my family. Seeing danica and everyone that christmas weekend made me think of it. But, its hard when it feels like reconnecting won't happen.

I've decided to apply in both areas this week and see what happens. My phone goes off on the ninth. By then I'll know.