Okay so i've had an issue since I was a teenager. I suffered through its effects until jan 2001. I don't think its as bad as it is now. I just got weak and tired...sometimes dizzy. In 2001...I got depo, but wasn't diagnosed. Just sort of an accident that taking depo took care of it. I stayed on depo cause I felt better and didn't have a period. Yeah i became a depo fan. In late 2003, I missed my shot. I didn't have period but i sure as heck had the effects. Here's a fun image, me dragging myself across a carpet telling my sister how horrible she is cause she couldn't get up to get me ramen. My legs were too weak to work. Anything usually hip and lower usually runs out of energy. I'm a fighter, but somethings i can only take so far. I got tired of this mysterious issue and went to my new doc to ask for help. He sent me to an obgyn who told me i had dysmenorrehea...then dismissed it like it was nothing. He told me I had to stay on depo and i'd be fine. Roll forward to 2005, couldn't get my shot til i got back from cali! Every step is painful that I took to see the obgyn but heck i'm able to walk. My new obgyn called me a sissy too...I wanted to trade bodies with her >.> But anyway, you don't know how happy it does feel to be able to walk though when it hits and you don't have medication.
Roll forward to the present, been busy with different things. Kept trying but things got in the way of getting my shot since october. ugh >.> On and off for three weeks i been feeling funny then Thursday night... BOOM! Pain head to toe. It slowly starts to weaken me. Sunday I was on skype with some friends. The one we call Enigma, aka Eni, was like "whats wrong?" All i could get out was, "Pain lots and lots of pain." He and Emme headed to bed. I thought i was good cause last night I was doing well into the morning and i had distractions from small pain. But I got up and went over to mom this evening....yeah....lots and lots of pain along with weakness. It takes me too long to do anything cause my body doesn't have the ability to support me with the pain and weakness.
You'd think by now i'd be wise after everything else i been through and knowing this shot would keep this from happening....especially sine i've had since oct to get it. This is not a fun issues. I'm dealing with it now. Sometimes though I think there is something else effecting it that makes it worse than it is. Who knows. I have one medical issue no doc seems to be able to figure out. I just from time to time get dizzy or unable to move. Feel like I'm going to pass out. No reason sometimes. I've been tested for many things and come out cleared. So who knows. I'm just a medical screw up
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
patterns
I've not been doing things lately i'm suppose to and i was taking notice of something. I know that how i treat myself is how i feel about my life. I notice when I"m in tn, i don't take care of myself. I hide out, don't be clean and become a hermit. When I'm out of here and in mo, yeah i'm a hermit in the way i've always been. Its a good style hermit. i still take care of myself and do my best to take care of myself.
So when i think about this, i just wanna go back. I hate seeing myself like this, but theres nothing I can really do about it right now. I've got business that comes first and the rest has to wait. Especially figuring out how to get ju's left over stuff to mo...may have to take what i can and come back for the rest in oct. Theres really no choice in what I need to do. I should be back in mo by august...not like there's no choice on returning either. haha. Didn't go through the hell of the past year and get into WWU just to sit looking pretty. School starts august 18th.
I'm trying to make the best of moms but its just not home for me. It hink thats a big factor for me. Oh well. we're gonna go see gabby today. Hopefully get my oil changed soon. I'm going to work on paying a few things then head back. Probably will be beginning of angst before i get back cause i sorta want my cell phone to work first ;)
anyway i'm off. thats my thought of the day. Now to be lazy >.>
So when i think about this, i just wanna go back. I hate seeing myself like this, but theres nothing I can really do about it right now. I've got business that comes first and the rest has to wait. Especially figuring out how to get ju's left over stuff to mo...may have to take what i can and come back for the rest in oct. Theres really no choice in what I need to do. I should be back in mo by august...not like there's no choice on returning either. haha. Didn't go through the hell of the past year and get into WWU just to sit looking pretty. School starts august 18th.
I'm trying to make the best of moms but its just not home for me. It hink thats a big factor for me. Oh well. we're gonna go see gabby today. Hopefully get my oil changed soon. I'm going to work on paying a few things then head back. Probably will be beginning of angst before i get back cause i sorta want my cell phone to work first ;)
anyway i'm off. thats my thought of the day. Now to be lazy >.>
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What I love
So i been thinkin on some things lately cause they occur and I was talkin to my online friend cara about it the other night when we were discussing her hubby.
The above videos I like for the reason of there is so much passion for what they want. They are willing to fight for what they want, even if there's a chance of losing...at least they tried everything they could. I love passion in people. Its amazing what it does to them and what they do for what they are passionate about.
Cara and I were talking about men and what we like. We both agreed men must be intelligent. We both loved a good nerd, but many of them tend to be easily scared. She married someone who was smart but he went for what he wanted. He chased his desires. He knew what he want and he was always honest. She loved it about him. She said his only downside is he didn't know how to use a computer and didn't care to find out how. She said with all he offers the last bit was small in comparison to who he was. She also talked about the desire to be wanted...every woman wants to know she is wanted or else she feels abandoned. I think its true. Its a good feeling. For me the idea of feeling wanted comes from many things. Mine takes a little angle away from cara at that point. She goes by how she feels and emotion of the other person. Its actions of a person for me. The things they do in my worst times or when i do things against them shows me their desire to want me. The worst times that we have are a true test of who we are and the relationships we have.
I want someone who knows what they want, are passionate, understanding, strong minded, reasonable, honest, kind, good hearted, has a great personality, a sense of humor, a lot of patience, and many other things that are required to keep up with me. They need two key things too.....the desire to fight and ability to take up a challenge. I can be a bitch and a challenge to handle. Thats where the patience comes in handy. I have things that are unstable about me, mostly stress when it makes me emotional. I lose my ability to reason during those times. The two key things help during that time cause I can just walk off and say screw it or question them in every way with my analytical mind. It'd be nice to have someone who understands my loves of dance, music, and crafts. Just....don't want them to do crafts....thats creepy. Okay pottery is fine but you take up scrap booking and we gotta talk about your preferences in life. haha. I love how it feels when someone knows me and understands me well. I feel so comfortable and at home. I feel there's nothing to worry about. I also know they will be able to handle my unreasonable times and bring my ass to the ground, like my best friend does.....but she kinda hits me with random stuff that hurts....less pain would be good. :D
Over most of my life, i've chased people to create friendships and what not with me. I did what i could to please them. I even used money in elementary school to bribe into friends for a day. I became possessive in middle school of those friends i had....which was few cause we moved too much to keep them and i'm the worst letter writer known to man. I'll write then never send it.I still have my forwards for where i live now. Never mailed them. Thats why email is awesome to me. Over the past few years, I've given up chasing, impressing, and what not. I just don't care. It really doesn't matter anymore what others think. You accept me or walk off. When it comes to a significant other, it would be obvious cause i'm not going to chase. I'm going to be me and enjoy life. Its their choice of what they will do....just be prepared of how i may react. If you can handle the storm, you may be able to hang on. I've scared a few men over the years on purpose. They walked off far too easily. Guess not everyone can see through the crap i throw out there. hehe.
And yes, I test everything....even when no one knows it.
The above videos I like for the reason of there is so much passion for what they want. They are willing to fight for what they want, even if there's a chance of losing...at least they tried everything they could. I love passion in people. Its amazing what it does to them and what they do for what they are passionate about.
Cara and I were talking about men and what we like. We both agreed men must be intelligent. We both loved a good nerd, but many of them tend to be easily scared. She married someone who was smart but he went for what he wanted. He chased his desires. He knew what he want and he was always honest. She loved it about him. She said his only downside is he didn't know how to use a computer and didn't care to find out how. She said with all he offers the last bit was small in comparison to who he was. She also talked about the desire to be wanted...every woman wants to know she is wanted or else she feels abandoned. I think its true. Its a good feeling. For me the idea of feeling wanted comes from many things. Mine takes a little angle away from cara at that point. She goes by how she feels and emotion of the other person. Its actions of a person for me. The things they do in my worst times or when i do things against them shows me their desire to want me. The worst times that we have are a true test of who we are and the relationships we have.
I want someone who knows what they want, are passionate, understanding, strong minded, reasonable, honest, kind, good hearted, has a great personality, a sense of humor, a lot of patience, and many other things that are required to keep up with me. They need two key things too.....the desire to fight and ability to take up a challenge. I can be a bitch and a challenge to handle. Thats where the patience comes in handy. I have things that are unstable about me, mostly stress when it makes me emotional. I lose my ability to reason during those times. The two key things help during that time cause I can just walk off and say screw it or question them in every way with my analytical mind. It'd be nice to have someone who understands my loves of dance, music, and crafts. Just....don't want them to do crafts....thats creepy. Okay pottery is fine but you take up scrap booking and we gotta talk about your preferences in life. haha. I love how it feels when someone knows me and understands me well. I feel so comfortable and at home. I feel there's nothing to worry about. I also know they will be able to handle my unreasonable times and bring my ass to the ground, like my best friend does.....but she kinda hits me with random stuff that hurts....less pain would be good. :D
Over most of my life, i've chased people to create friendships and what not with me. I did what i could to please them. I even used money in elementary school to bribe into friends for a day. I became possessive in middle school of those friends i had....which was few cause we moved too much to keep them and i'm the worst letter writer known to man. I'll write then never send it.I still have my forwards for where i live now. Never mailed them. Thats why email is awesome to me. Over the past few years, I've given up chasing, impressing, and what not. I just don't care. It really doesn't matter anymore what others think. You accept me or walk off. When it comes to a significant other, it would be obvious cause i'm not going to chase. I'm going to be me and enjoy life. Its their choice of what they will do....just be prepared of how i may react. If you can handle the storm, you may be able to hang on. I've scared a few men over the years on purpose. They walked off far too easily. Guess not everyone can see through the crap i throw out there. hehe.
And yes, I test everything....even when no one knows it.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
talk about getting screwed
I thought i was having a bad day with my sister til i got home. Yoniel, aka Johnny, was rushing through the apt complex as i was getting ready to park. I stopped in fear of getting hit. Johnny parks his car. I park mine then walk over to his. I walk over to his car to tease him about his driving. Turns out he's stressed out. his wife is threatening to take the kids out of the country cause he was having sex with girls and dating. Keep in mind, she's doing the same. She's threatening restraining orders, child support, taking the children to another country, and all kinds of things. Chick has got some control issues. Johnny can't seem to calm down from this.
His wife just seems to take over his mind and emotions with her threats. They are empty legally cause they aren't legally divorced or separated. He doesn't have to do a lot cause of it. I was checking the state laws. At the same time, he isn't fun and doesn't relax anymore cause of it. I feel so bad for johnny. He can do what he wants, but his wife just attacks him once he's starting to enjoy life. Its like she enjoys making him miserable.
His wife just seems to take over his mind and emotions with her threats. They are empty legally cause they aren't legally divorced or separated. He doesn't have to do a lot cause of it. I was checking the state laws. At the same time, he isn't fun and doesn't relax anymore cause of it. I feel so bad for johnny. He can do what he wants, but his wife just attacks him once he's starting to enjoy life. Its like she enjoys making him miserable.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
good news!
I have calls every day just cause i went and had my resume on career builder! send out hopes and prayers i get something soon. I honestly can't job hunt this week cause of school work. I can only do my best inbetween catching up. Getting sick for two weeks really messed me up and its not easy to catch up with history as i thought.
Oh well. Other good news, I think I'm going to go to this country bar with my roommate and Ju this weekend. hehe. If anyone's watched julie clog, you know i'll be rolling on the ground or falling on a table laughing. I so wanna watch her dance to Devil went down to Georgia again! omg! that was hilarious. Though the posing later was just nuts!
anyway, time for bed. night!
Oh well. Other good news, I think I'm going to go to this country bar with my roommate and Ju this weekend. hehe. If anyone's watched julie clog, you know i'll be rolling on the ground or falling on a table laughing. I so wanna watch her dance to Devil went down to Georgia again! omg! that was hilarious. Though the posing later was just nuts!
anyway, time for bed. night!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
OOOooOOOOoo
I just watched adding google gadgets to my blog...not a safe thing to hand me. I need to customize my blog first. Not sure what look I want yet. I guess I'll wait on all that. Maybe i'll forget about the gadgets by then. :: cackles ::
other things are getting better
whatever ju cooked has made me sick. The toilet is my best friend. I haven't left the bathroom for hours. Teaches me not to eat her cooking. Really need to get Yoniel to teach her to cook. I'm just thankful my lungs feel better...even if my ass won't in the morning. >.>
In other news, I been getting job calls since I started using career builder again. Thats the first time since I graduated high school that its worked! lord...haha. I even got an interview just a few hours after I sent out a resume. Thats pretty good! I've been expanding my search and finding more resources. I'm using monster, craigslist, careerbuilder, and missouri career source (the one stop page). One stop is the best resource cause its a state page. its just not easy to search cause i have a wide variety that i'm willing to do.
Oh yeah still haven't done history homework in the sense of turning it in. Would have succeeded if it wasn't for that damn porkchop. I might as well pull my bed in here....haha. I'll turn in what i can tomorrow then tell the teacher all thats gone on so she can open the quizzes. I need to do english tomorrow too. I have to do week 2 of history tomorrow. Sunday i'll do this week, week 3, of history. oh joy the fun of balancing school, unemployment, and job hunting! Sometimes I wish I could do it julie's way, just hope a job drops into my lap and says "we'll pay yah good!" Of course we all know Ju's way doesn't always work.
anyway, I'm off. later.
In other news, I been getting job calls since I started using career builder again. Thats the first time since I graduated high school that its worked! lord...haha. I even got an interview just a few hours after I sent out a resume. Thats pretty good! I've been expanding my search and finding more resources. I'm using monster, craigslist, careerbuilder, and missouri career source (the one stop page). One stop is the best resource cause its a state page. its just not easy to search cause i have a wide variety that i'm willing to do.
Oh yeah still haven't done history homework in the sense of turning it in. Would have succeeded if it wasn't for that damn porkchop. I might as well pull my bed in here....haha. I'll turn in what i can tomorrow then tell the teacher all thats gone on so she can open the quizzes. I need to do english tomorrow too. I have to do week 2 of history tomorrow. Sunday i'll do this week, week 3, of history. oh joy the fun of balancing school, unemployment, and job hunting! Sometimes I wish I could do it julie's way, just hope a job drops into my lap and says "we'll pay yah good!" Of course we all know Ju's way doesn't always work.
anyway, I'm off. later.
Friday, February 5, 2010
discovering
Lots going on mentally. I think more goes on mentally than physically lately. haha.
I'm singing. That may sound weird to most. I don't sing, i mean really try to sing. I've been doing that. I'm slowly becoming comfortable with life. I think the hardest thing for me is that life has been so rough the past few years that I can't relax. I've always had to be serious and take care of business. I'm a carefree person inside. I've never been able to let loose until lately. Its hard to break out of my hardshell. I've been trying. I've been forcing myself to do things i've held myself back from doing for years. I hope to eventually do that
Another fun thing is I'm learning a lot about Saint Peters MO. A lot of jobs and applications I get are from that city. I've been driving around Saint Charles county and exploring as much as i can while job hunting. I'm learning different routes and how to get around. I couldn't do that last time cause I was so afraid of my car. I really like it out here. Its going to make me sad when I have to leave. Julie getting rejected from Wentzville means we have to move to middle missouri. I am hoping we head out that way soon. I know either way I move out to fulton by august, but I was hoping that wentzville would be my excuse to come back when I wanted. I guess it is good since Julie will be closer. Columbia is thirty mins nw of fulton. Jeff city is south of fulton. Its funny that this town holds a lot of important things for the deaf community and interpreters, but no one knows where it is. It is literally an hour away from wentzville. There is probably a shorter route, but I get lost too easy. I'll just take 70 there then go south. It seems to be a nice little town. All that is really there are colleges.
I need to do history homework. I really love my life here. I'll upload pictures on facebook and myspace later. I have come to realize nothing will settle with mom unless I'm in the South. I like MO. I plan on staying here as long as life will let me. I won't know after college. That depends on what is going on in my life or where my career takes me. (Hopefully by then I'll be a bartender. who knows what will happen in 2014!)
Night!
I'm singing. That may sound weird to most. I don't sing, i mean really try to sing. I've been doing that. I'm slowly becoming comfortable with life. I think the hardest thing for me is that life has been so rough the past few years that I can't relax. I've always had to be serious and take care of business. I'm a carefree person inside. I've never been able to let loose until lately. Its hard to break out of my hardshell. I've been trying. I've been forcing myself to do things i've held myself back from doing for years. I hope to eventually do that
Another fun thing is I'm learning a lot about Saint Peters MO. A lot of jobs and applications I get are from that city. I've been driving around Saint Charles county and exploring as much as i can while job hunting. I'm learning different routes and how to get around. I couldn't do that last time cause I was so afraid of my car. I really like it out here. Its going to make me sad when I have to leave. Julie getting rejected from Wentzville means we have to move to middle missouri. I am hoping we head out that way soon. I know either way I move out to fulton by august, but I was hoping that wentzville would be my excuse to come back when I wanted. I guess it is good since Julie will be closer. Columbia is thirty mins nw of fulton. Jeff city is south of fulton. Its funny that this town holds a lot of important things for the deaf community and interpreters, but no one knows where it is. It is literally an hour away from wentzville. There is probably a shorter route, but I get lost too easy. I'll just take 70 there then go south. It seems to be a nice little town. All that is really there are colleges.
I need to do history homework. I really love my life here. I'll upload pictures on facebook and myspace later. I have come to realize nothing will settle with mom unless I'm in the South. I like MO. I plan on staying here as long as life will let me. I won't know after college. That depends on what is going on in my life or where my career takes me. (Hopefully by then I'll be a bartender. who knows what will happen in 2014!)
Night!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
unemployed
Anyway, I have had a sinus infection for a while. I thought thats whats been going on. Saturday I woke up not able to breathe. I couldn't move cause I worked 12 hrs. My legs hurt like hell from jumping up and down like a monkey. (Didn't stop hurting til monday!) I called out pretty much the whole weekend. I went back to work monday. I couldn't breathe when i tried to do anything. All I could do was sit. My job required me to catch the attention of others through my actions. Pops told me to go home. I went home then decided to quit. I realized that being out in the cold was causing me to be worse. It is true too. I've felt better today. I slept a lot, but I don't feel like crap and can breathe better. I hate that I had to quit. But...it was quit or die trying to make money. I'm not desperate enough to kill myself. I'll go back if it gets warmer. Otherwise, i'm good being without a job. Julie is gonna try to help me. I am trying to help her budget but she doesn't get how that works. Maybe we'll see eye to eye in time.
In other news, Julie got rejected from wentzville for not paying rent on time. We are going to head out to columbia, jeff city, and fulton this month and next so that we can try to sign up for rent. It'll probably be easier there. I thought i'd show ju William Woods to see if she liked it, but she is considering cosmetology school. We shall see what happens there. There are a few out in those areas.
Imma go take a bath then head to bed. its 3 am and ju has to be at work by 11 am. I'm working on make sure she isn't late anymore. I will job hunt and do school work out in Saint Charles while she's working. Hopefully i'll find a job soon.
Hope everyone is doing well. and mom stop worrying! I'm fine. If you want me checked, you can pay for me to see Dr Rossem, my ct scans, and all the other fun work they do to me for a month on my checkups. >.> ugh i hate being poked like i'm an alien.
later!
Friday, January 29, 2010
ugh...death of the Monkey dance!
this job is so going to kill me....i'm tiiiired! But, I need the money. I worked 12 hrs today. I have to dance like a monkey on mexico and mid rivers mall drive in saint peters every day. I can't do that! I mean hell...give me some days off or something! Fat chicks just can't do that
I also still don't have time for homework cause i'm tired. I'm also getting sick from the weather. I really doubt the guy that runs this liberty knows what its like to be a waver....ugh. I need to go to bed. Pops, head waver over at saint peters, isn't working. I have to work for him....my body is in sooo much pain right now. Its not my fault if i some how pass out on the side of mexico road tomorrow....I about fell into it today from exhaustion. Some people came by to see me act like a crazy fool (or monkey dance as i call it) and found me hugging the liberty tax sign, sitting down, and waving. oh! the guy that came by twice while he was at work yesterday and yelling "break it down!"...he came by today in his car then started jumping on the passenger's side and yelled "break it down". That guy is nuts.
anyway....bed! damn my body hurts.
I also still don't have time for homework cause i'm tired. I'm also getting sick from the weather. I really doubt the guy that runs this liberty knows what its like to be a waver....ugh. I need to go to bed. Pops, head waver over at saint peters, isn't working. I have to work for him....my body is in sooo much pain right now. Its not my fault if i some how pass out on the side of mexico road tomorrow....I about fell into it today from exhaustion. Some people came by to see me act like a crazy fool (or monkey dance as i call it) and found me hugging the liberty tax sign, sitting down, and waving. oh! the guy that came by twice while he was at work yesterday and yelling "break it down!"...he came by today in his car then started jumping on the passenger's side and yelled "break it down". That guy is nuts.
anyway....bed! damn my body hurts.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
downside to life
First off...I wanted to say what happened while waving today. I don't know if what they had on their car was legal...but...I was just being all strange and dancing funky to keep myself entertained and noticed like they want. I listen to the radio, so I don't do much but play with a sign on commercials. My post today was out on Mid Rivers Mall Drive in Saint Peters. I was playing with my sign cause I'm trying to learn how to sign spin. Sadly, I suck at being self taught. Next thing I hear over my music is a bull horn saying, "I love you!" Its gotta be pretty damn loud to play my headphones. I put down the sign i was holding and about fell over laughing. I continued practicing my spinning. I hear "Sping that sign!" it was so funny. I love a good sense of humor. I love seeing people be crazy or stupid. Just makes me laugh.
Tons of crazy stuff happened today when I was sign spinning. Wonder if I'll get in trouble for spinning that one guy in circles in the snow....he thought it was fun... hehe.
Anyway, I got home and thought for a bit. I'm behind in history cause I was sick last weeka nd other things going on. Mostly cause I was sick. Turns out I had a small sinus infection. Its starting to clear up. Tomorrow is thursday...homework is due friday. I haven't done anything cause I was hired on the fly. I have until sunday night to get everything done for both classes. I need to also email my teacher and tell her what is going on so i can get counted for last week. I have decided I have to put away my other activities and anything fun until I get caught up. After that, I still have to job hunt. Liberty isn't a permant thing. Its tax season only. In a month they will lower hours. That gives me a month to find a real job. I need to apply like crazy and try to be my best at interviews. I don't know why I'm bad at them. I hope maybe one is out there that does not wish to interview. Thats how i got verizon!
But yeah, life is gonna suck for a bit. In good news, Kristen is moving to missouri! I'm glad she decided to. She wants to attend a community college for a semester then go pre-vet at one of the schools in saint louis. She was going to go to Oregon, but that fell through. I offered her help here, cause I can't turn down a friend in need. Hopefully i'll get my phone back from shrub. Asked her to get it cause Shrub seems to be alright and has help. Just found out he got engaged to his on and off g/f. Suppose to get married this year. He doesn't need my help anymore. Kristen said she would pick it up. If not, i'll get mom to get it.
Its time to take my meds then to bed. I don't know if i work tomorrow. No one gave me my schedule. Ju has hers cause she's only at one location. I guess I'll have to check after I drop her off.
later!
Tons of crazy stuff happened today when I was sign spinning. Wonder if I'll get in trouble for spinning that one guy in circles in the snow....he thought it was fun... hehe.
Anyway, I got home and thought for a bit. I'm behind in history cause I was sick last weeka nd other things going on. Mostly cause I was sick. Turns out I had a small sinus infection. Its starting to clear up. Tomorrow is thursday...homework is due friday. I haven't done anything cause I was hired on the fly. I have until sunday night to get everything done for both classes. I need to also email my teacher and tell her what is going on so i can get counted for last week. I have decided I have to put away my other activities and anything fun until I get caught up. After that, I still have to job hunt. Liberty isn't a permant thing. Its tax season only. In a month they will lower hours. That gives me a month to find a real job. I need to apply like crazy and try to be my best at interviews. I don't know why I'm bad at them. I hope maybe one is out there that does not wish to interview. Thats how i got verizon!
But yeah, life is gonna suck for a bit. In good news, Kristen is moving to missouri! I'm glad she decided to. She wants to attend a community college for a semester then go pre-vet at one of the schools in saint louis. She was going to go to Oregon, but that fell through. I offered her help here, cause I can't turn down a friend in need. Hopefully i'll get my phone back from shrub. Asked her to get it cause Shrub seems to be alright and has help. Just found out he got engaged to his on and off g/f. Suppose to get married this year. He doesn't need my help anymore. Kristen said she would pick it up. If not, i'll get mom to get it.
Its time to take my meds then to bed. I don't know if i work tomorrow. No one gave me my schedule. Ju has hers cause she's only at one location. I guess I'll have to check after I drop her off.
later!
Today!
Well....I got hired by liberty tax then worked from ten am to almost nine pm. Ju and I auditioned this morning. We will be working all the liberty taxes in saint charles county. So yeah....those who live in this area can watch my fat ass make a fool of myself. woot!
its good til i find a permanent job. Liberty tax doesn't keep most of their wavers past march. This liberty will work me full time. I have to balance school and job hunting with this. I may even work overtime from the sound of it. I may just carry my books with me when ju works earlier than me.
I'm going to rest. Ju has to be at work at nine am. I am still sick. i have to take my night meds. later
its good til i find a permanent job. Liberty tax doesn't keep most of their wavers past march. This liberty will work me full time. I have to balance school and job hunting with this. I may even work overtime from the sound of it. I may just carry my books with me when ju works earlier than me.
I'm going to rest. Ju has to be at work at nine am. I am still sick. i have to take my night meds. later
Monday, January 25, 2010
being sick kills your life
So I got a text from my roommate, Yoniel (sometimes i refer to him as Johnny). He was down at the ice house, so i figured why not. I went down there. I picked on him cause he was trying to get a woman, and ultimately failed. I go to the bars to just dance and have fun. I went up to the live band and danced around. I am thinking of going next weekend. Depends on how i feel. I had fun.
Today was bad though. I'm sicker than usual. I'm coughing like crazy and have diarrhea. Yeah, its gross...but its what is going on. I feel so bad right now. I gotta be at work in eight hours, but I am not alseep cause i can't breathe too well. I didn't get my homework done. I felt like shit each time i tried to read. I couldn't focus on my work. Well, I got english done except one assignment on the discussion board. I got jack shit done with history. I hope to catch up this week. I can't be behind in school again. It stressed me out too much last semester. Ugh being sick is going to drive me up the wall. I hate it.
I am getting severely tired. I think I am going to try to lay down. night!
Today was bad though. I'm sicker than usual. I'm coughing like crazy and have diarrhea. Yeah, its gross...but its what is going on. I feel so bad right now. I gotta be at work in eight hours, but I am not alseep cause i can't breathe too well. I didn't get my homework done. I felt like shit each time i tried to read. I couldn't focus on my work. Well, I got english done except one assignment on the discussion board. I got jack shit done with history. I hope to catch up this week. I can't be behind in school again. It stressed me out too much last semester. Ugh being sick is going to drive me up the wall. I hate it.
I am getting severely tired. I think I am going to try to lay down. night!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
i wish!
I was going to go out and have fun tonight. I been wanting to go dancing all week. But, I'm sick again. So, I'm stuck inside coughing my head off, half awake, and trying to do homework. So far, I got one assignment out of seven done. oh yeh! I have to have it all done tomorrow night though. This congestion is killing me.
The downside is i have been stuck at home all week cause I have not had any interview calls. Most of the ads this week were scams. I went to the mall yesterday to get applications. I will fill those out when I have the energy. School is first. I need to figure out how to do school during the week while balancing job hunting. Oh, i am going to try and be a liberty tax waver. I haven't done that in years. But, its work. They hire like crazy end of jan-march. They drop the bad wavers in march then hire back up in april. Its something til i find a real job. I interviewed for a new place in Saint Charles, Llewlyns. I really hope i get it. Seems a good place. They said it was just an intro interview and will be interviewing everyone next week.
My only really big pet peeve right now is that julie says she wants a job. I bring her applications, but she never fills them out. Every time I ask if she has it done when I turn mine in, she says, "I'll do it later." Jobs don't wait for you to be ready. Oh well. She got offered waver too, so that will get her off the couch and tv for now. She needs to remember to report her earnings and bonuses. Theres so much she needs to learn, but she thinks I'm being a bitch or bossy by telling her whats good to do. Advice from family is not something she takes. She takes it better from strangers.
anyway, i think I will lay down. I'm exhausted cause of being sick. I need to do my next reading assignment for english...if i wake up. Readjusting to starting school after moving isn't fun. I still have things to get from pin oak park too! oh well. I will do that when i have time.
Hope everything is going well for everyone!
The downside is i have been stuck at home all week cause I have not had any interview calls. Most of the ads this week were scams. I went to the mall yesterday to get applications. I will fill those out when I have the energy. School is first. I need to figure out how to do school during the week while balancing job hunting. Oh, i am going to try and be a liberty tax waver. I haven't done that in years. But, its work. They hire like crazy end of jan-march. They drop the bad wavers in march then hire back up in april. Its something til i find a real job. I interviewed for a new place in Saint Charles, Llewlyns. I really hope i get it. Seems a good place. They said it was just an intro interview and will be interviewing everyone next week.
My only really big pet peeve right now is that julie says she wants a job. I bring her applications, but she never fills them out. Every time I ask if she has it done when I turn mine in, she says, "I'll do it later." Jobs don't wait for you to be ready. Oh well. She got offered waver too, so that will get her off the couch and tv for now. She needs to remember to report her earnings and bonuses. Theres so much she needs to learn, but she thinks I'm being a bitch or bossy by telling her whats good to do. Advice from family is not something she takes. She takes it better from strangers.
anyway, i think I will lay down. I'm exhausted cause of being sick. I need to do my next reading assignment for english...if i wake up. Readjusting to starting school after moving isn't fun. I still have things to get from pin oak park too! oh well. I will do that when i have time.
Hope everything is going well for everyone!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
feeling better
BJ came by. We joked, played pool, and watched movies. It was relaxing and fun. I'm feeling better. He always makes me laugh so it takes off the stress.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
blah
I'm becoming depressed. Its not cause of life. Its reasons I don't feel like naming. I'll deal with it and be fine later. Its nothing I can any do anything about.Hopefully I'll be okay soon.
I just started noticing I was doing things about how i was feeling that were wrong choices. I gotta break bad habits from long ago. It doesn' t help or deal with issues.
I just started noticing I was doing things about how i was feeling that were wrong choices. I gotta break bad habits from long ago. It doesn' t help or deal with issues.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
What am i doing? Living! Living well my friend....
So...its been almost a month since I updated. Guess i should. haha. It won't have everything cause I can't remember every detail, but I'll do my best. I decided to move back to missouri. I was so much happier in missouri than tennessee. Mom even agreed I should return. I found out that I could change my round trip ticket. I spent new years eve watching eddie izzard while preparing to leave. I decided that 2010 was my year and no one would take it away from me! I'm tired of playing the victim in life when I should be playing the champion/overcomer. I can't let my situations over take me. This is me taking charge of my life by going back to where I was happy. I left new years day and arrived jan 2nd in saint louis. The ride was interesting and scary at times. Some chick road with me all the way to nashville with lighter fluid and charcoal. You may think thats nothing....but she had matches she was playing with to burn toilet paper too! haha. I had a fun conversation with this one guy on the way to nashville. It got creepy when this old guy kept staring at me like a piece of meat....yeah....Nashville was alright. Just lots of waiting...as it always has been for the past five or so years. Nashvegas to STL was pretty quiet. I slept most of the way. I would wake up every so often. It was strange cause i was one of the few that was not headed to a military base! hehe. Now i know why those tickets were expensive. Tons of military heading out to a base in mo. Oh i did do something stupid, as usual. The stop before STL, i was hungry and got out to go to McD's....turned out they were closed. i ran out in 4 degree weather across a parking lot for a closed resturant...woot! go me!
I spent that morning waiting for Ju to wake up. She was at Yoniel's, aka Johnny, place living. I sat around the greyhound texting my friend bj, who lives out around hazelwood. Turns out he works night shift. He stayed up to chill with me til my ride got there. I found internet and got on that. Ju eventually called. I rode the train out to hanley station then waited in the cooooooold wind til Ju and Johnny got there. oh btw, he says to call him that. His name is close enough sounding to it. We road all the way to Lake Saint Louis while talking about how the living arrangements will work. I explained everything on my end while julie talked about where we were living. Its called Waterways. Very nice and quiet place, i must say.
I just spent the weekend relaxing. That monday I started job hunting and taking care of business. The week was kinda lazy. I didn't try as hard as I could have. But, there wasn't internet either. The week was nice cause it snowed. It was cold and around 10 or less. I didn't have many interviews. I mostly planned how to pay my bills when I got my financial aid, went to wentzville for housing, and decided with ju where we would be staying. She ended up at Johnny's over an incident where she was living. We really liked Johnny's and didn't have any luck anywhere else for two bedrooms. So we decided to stay. I would pay whatever to help ju since it was more than half of what she gets. I don't really have that many bills to pay anyway. Just the traffic stuff, getting my car fixed, and a loan...well along with my cell and rent. Johnny's been real helpful with showing me where things are and how to get around. I've learned a lot. I've been using hte club house for exercise. Oh yeah. I had this whole date thing lined up. I had two dates. They backed off. Something about me being different than girls here. Pretty much got scared. One guy thought i was just unsure or some shit. I mean this guy wanted me to give all to him and i ain't been on one date or known him that long? You so gotta be shitting me. I did eventually meet up with the guy. Oh lord his personality is fucked. I mean you sit and want some chick to commit to you but you have no interest in them at all? He should just consider fuck buddies or something. Cause no girl is gonna want anything more with something like that. But, my friend BJ heard my complaints. He offered to take me to avatar. I thought it was a friend thing. BJ is sweet and awesome! he proved it that night. He drives from hazelwood, while others say i live too far away, to the theater near shopNsave on the o'fallon side of where I live. (Oh yeah. one small area where I live is o'fallon and the rest is Lake Saint Louis. I use to live in the O'Fallon area in the trailer park) So, BJ gets there really early then buys my ticket! I've learned in life that somethings you can't refuse...cause i tried. "I have my money. I'll get the ticket. I am only ten mins away." "no. i'm buying it so you will have it when you get here." Wasn't going to argue. I get there. BJ is waiting. We talk about anime a bit. I just learned the day before t hat he loved anime. I told him anime was the magic word in my life. haha. I love cartoons, but i love anime more! I'm such a kid inside. He asks me to choose where to sit. I never had that option before. My friends have their preferences, so i've never cared. So i sat in the middle of the theater, literally. He sat two seats away. Btw, bj has gotta be like six foot tall or something. Damn i'm short! He doesn't have much room when he sits. haha. We talk and laugh. We make bad jokes until the movie starts. BJ gets comfy and moves the chairs then lays his head in my lap. I'm pretty layback so we just talk every so often during hte movie. He makes a lot of comments about random things in the movie, but I dont hear most of them. I spend most of the night laughing. We even chilled after the theater. It consisted of him getting in my little cavy, which i have cause i'm short. He's stuck with his knees in his chest and complains how small my car is. I laugh then drive him around hte parking lot then back to his car. He makes fun of my car more then gets in his. I figure I should be fair. I get in his car then talk about how its not right for short people. We have fun joking around for maybe an hour or so. It was a great night. I hope to go chill with him again. Oh and Johnny is separated from his wife, which is why he has rooms for rent. His kids came over. It was fun to meet them. Yohan is his own little world at two. You have to watch him close cause he's a fast one! Katherine is a creative little five year old. Shes emotional like most little girls, but she's tough and knows what she wants!
This week was fun! went to interviews but I caught up with minda weds!! We went out to icehouse cause they said they have karoke. That was wrong! Some other place on the other side of wentzville was hiring unexperienced bartenders. I went down there, low and behold it was karoke! They interviewed me. They thought i had a nice and fun personality, but hated that I had no bar experience. The manager gave me some great advice though. I'm determined to become a bartender. Mom has issues with that, but its a good and fun job. It makes good money too! So, why not! I love to have fun and get others to have fun. Anyway...I went back to minda after the interview then stole her purse and ran to the front. Minda comes up to me and says "There's a purse snatcher here!" I laugh while Ju comes up to join us in the front of the bar. The best thing comes on, cause it shows minda what i been trying to tell her about my sister. It was Devil went down to Georgia!! omg. if you know ju, you know she gets up and does her own version of clogging to any song like that. I told minda, "watch ju." She nods, not knowing what i mean til two mins later. Ju starts out bouncing around her seat then starts stomping. It gets to the intense parts of the song. Ju is up out of her chair and clogging her heart out. rofl. Minda about fell out of her chair laughing. She couldn't believe Ju was doing this in a small space in a bar. I told minda at the end of the song, "This is why we bring ju out to bars and clubs." Minda laughed and agreed. The rest of the night was hilarious just cause Ju was there. I went up to do Behind blue eyes by the Who. I started out til ju wanted to join. Ju has a low education level and can't read words right. hehe. So we're singing....well i'm trying....but i keep falling over laughing. Ju is completely into the whole singing thing. I was embarrassed at first cause I've never been to or done karoke irl. I've watched it in second life...and thats it. With ju up there, I was no longer embarrassed but i wasn't singing either. I was bent over at my waist laughing. rofl It was great! Minda and I spent the night just watching ju. She is pure entertainment.At the end of hte night, they played some dance mix. Ju started voguing! i was like "OMG" cause i haven't seen that since i was a kid! She was all over the joint too. She was even up in a chair and throwing her self in sexy poses over the chair. If she really knew what those poses were, i bet she wouldn't have done them. All i could think was "that girl has watched too many music videos." I loved the whole night though.
oh another event from this week was when the cable man came to hook up the internet. I was the last person he expected from what he said. He said most in the area tend to be stuck on theirselves. We talked about all kinds of things; sex, tats, books, movies, or whatever came to mind. It was fun. Man has the strangest tat in an interesting place. He thought I'd think it was strange. My reaction was it was interesting. I mean you gotta think of what it looks like. I just didn't like the fact he had an author's face tatted to his back. Thats a little out there on the fandom for me. I got my authors i love, but i doubt i'll tat them to my back. Oh yeah we also discussed tats we regret. Well he regretted. I told him ones i was going to do when i was young that i was glad i never had the money to do now. haha. So glad there's no "Exit Only" sign tatted to my ass! rofl. That was one of hundreds of ideas i had when i was younger. The cable guy said when he left, "This has made my day. You are not normal." So far, I've learned i'm not normal for mo. this is good and bad. So far its bad cause i haven't gotten a job! Oh well. I'm going to start being determined and pushing it. I have to have one starting feb. I do have a temp service putting in info for me. I think i'm going to start hitting STC (Saint charles county) place to see what work they have.
Lets see for this week, who knows. It feels like i've been here for a month! i haven't really. Onlyl two weeks, but its been awesome! Katherine is in visiting. She's a handful cause she is a bundle of energy. But, I think he's got her under control. She's still dealing with the whole separation. Some days its good for her and others its not. Me and ju have to get backgrounds for Waterways and Wentzville done. Minda is helping me get my car looked at to be fixed. Its drivable but i want it back in good condition. Lots going on in general. I'll try to stay updated.
I gotta get to my school stuff. I think english was due and i got too caught up to notice. I'm going through my homework and job hunting stuff today. That is priority. I got my stuff from my old place in Pin Oak...well most of it. We'll get the rest later. i still have to fix and sort that too. No rest for the weary! oh and i'm sick too! so that doesn't help. damn sinuses!
Hope your day is well!
I spent that morning waiting for Ju to wake up. She was at Yoniel's, aka Johnny, place living. I sat around the greyhound texting my friend bj, who lives out around hazelwood. Turns out he works night shift. He stayed up to chill with me til my ride got there. I found internet and got on that. Ju eventually called. I rode the train out to hanley station then waited in the cooooooold wind til Ju and Johnny got there. oh btw, he says to call him that. His name is close enough sounding to it. We road all the way to Lake Saint Louis while talking about how the living arrangements will work. I explained everything on my end while julie talked about where we were living. Its called Waterways. Very nice and quiet place, i must say.
I just spent the weekend relaxing. That monday I started job hunting and taking care of business. The week was kinda lazy. I didn't try as hard as I could have. But, there wasn't internet either. The week was nice cause it snowed. It was cold and around 10 or less. I didn't have many interviews. I mostly planned how to pay my bills when I got my financial aid, went to wentzville for housing, and decided with ju where we would be staying. She ended up at Johnny's over an incident where she was living. We really liked Johnny's and didn't have any luck anywhere else for two bedrooms. So we decided to stay. I would pay whatever to help ju since it was more than half of what she gets. I don't really have that many bills to pay anyway. Just the traffic stuff, getting my car fixed, and a loan...well along with my cell and rent. Johnny's been real helpful with showing me where things are and how to get around. I've learned a lot. I've been using hte club house for exercise. Oh yeah. I had this whole date thing lined up. I had two dates. They backed off. Something about me being different than girls here. Pretty much got scared. One guy thought i was just unsure or some shit. I mean this guy wanted me to give all to him and i ain't been on one date or known him that long? You so gotta be shitting me. I did eventually meet up with the guy. Oh lord his personality is fucked. I mean you sit and want some chick to commit to you but you have no interest in them at all? He should just consider fuck buddies or something. Cause no girl is gonna want anything more with something like that. But, my friend BJ heard my complaints. He offered to take me to avatar. I thought it was a friend thing. BJ is sweet and awesome! he proved it that night. He drives from hazelwood, while others say i live too far away, to the theater near shopNsave on the o'fallon side of where I live. (Oh yeah. one small area where I live is o'fallon and the rest is Lake Saint Louis. I use to live in the O'Fallon area in the trailer park) So, BJ gets there really early then buys my ticket! I've learned in life that somethings you can't refuse...cause i tried. "I have my money. I'll get the ticket. I am only ten mins away." "no. i'm buying it so you will have it when you get here." Wasn't going to argue. I get there. BJ is waiting. We talk about anime a bit. I just learned the day before t hat he loved anime. I told him anime was the magic word in my life. haha. I love cartoons, but i love anime more! I'm such a kid inside. He asks me to choose where to sit. I never had that option before. My friends have their preferences, so i've never cared. So i sat in the middle of the theater, literally. He sat two seats away. Btw, bj has gotta be like six foot tall or something. Damn i'm short! He doesn't have much room when he sits. haha. We talk and laugh. We make bad jokes until the movie starts. BJ gets comfy and moves the chairs then lays his head in my lap. I'm pretty layback so we just talk every so often during hte movie. He makes a lot of comments about random things in the movie, but I dont hear most of them. I spend most of the night laughing. We even chilled after the theater. It consisted of him getting in my little cavy, which i have cause i'm short. He's stuck with his knees in his chest and complains how small my car is. I laugh then drive him around hte parking lot then back to his car. He makes fun of my car more then gets in his. I figure I should be fair. I get in his car then talk about how its not right for short people. We have fun joking around for maybe an hour or so. It was a great night. I hope to go chill with him again. Oh and Johnny is separated from his wife, which is why he has rooms for rent. His kids came over. It was fun to meet them. Yohan is his own little world at two. You have to watch him close cause he's a fast one! Katherine is a creative little five year old. Shes emotional like most little girls, but she's tough and knows what she wants!
This week was fun! went to interviews but I caught up with minda weds!! We went out to icehouse cause they said they have karoke. That was wrong! Some other place on the other side of wentzville was hiring unexperienced bartenders. I went down there, low and behold it was karoke! They interviewed me. They thought i had a nice and fun personality, but hated that I had no bar experience. The manager gave me some great advice though. I'm determined to become a bartender. Mom has issues with that, but its a good and fun job. It makes good money too! So, why not! I love to have fun and get others to have fun. Anyway...I went back to minda after the interview then stole her purse and ran to the front. Minda comes up to me and says "There's a purse snatcher here!" I laugh while Ju comes up to join us in the front of the bar. The best thing comes on, cause it shows minda what i been trying to tell her about my sister. It was Devil went down to Georgia!! omg. if you know ju, you know she gets up and does her own version of clogging to any song like that. I told minda, "watch ju." She nods, not knowing what i mean til two mins later. Ju starts out bouncing around her seat then starts stomping. It gets to the intense parts of the song. Ju is up out of her chair and clogging her heart out. rofl. Minda about fell out of her chair laughing. She couldn't believe Ju was doing this in a small space in a bar. I told minda at the end of the song, "This is why we bring ju out to bars and clubs." Minda laughed and agreed. The rest of the night was hilarious just cause Ju was there. I went up to do Behind blue eyes by the Who. I started out til ju wanted to join. Ju has a low education level and can't read words right. hehe. So we're singing....well i'm trying....but i keep falling over laughing. Ju is completely into the whole singing thing. I was embarrassed at first cause I've never been to or done karoke irl. I've watched it in second life...and thats it. With ju up there, I was no longer embarrassed but i wasn't singing either. I was bent over at my waist laughing. rofl It was great! Minda and I spent the night just watching ju. She is pure entertainment.At the end of hte night, they played some dance mix. Ju started voguing! i was like "OMG" cause i haven't seen that since i was a kid! She was all over the joint too. She was even up in a chair and throwing her self in sexy poses over the chair. If she really knew what those poses were, i bet she wouldn't have done them. All i could think was "that girl has watched too many music videos." I loved the whole night though.
oh another event from this week was when the cable man came to hook up the internet. I was the last person he expected from what he said. He said most in the area tend to be stuck on theirselves. We talked about all kinds of things; sex, tats, books, movies, or whatever came to mind. It was fun. Man has the strangest tat in an interesting place. He thought I'd think it was strange. My reaction was it was interesting. I mean you gotta think of what it looks like. I just didn't like the fact he had an author's face tatted to his back. Thats a little out there on the fandom for me. I got my authors i love, but i doubt i'll tat them to my back. Oh yeah we also discussed tats we regret. Well he regretted. I told him ones i was going to do when i was young that i was glad i never had the money to do now. haha. So glad there's no "Exit Only" sign tatted to my ass! rofl. That was one of hundreds of ideas i had when i was younger. The cable guy said when he left, "This has made my day. You are not normal." So far, I've learned i'm not normal for mo. this is good and bad. So far its bad cause i haven't gotten a job! Oh well. I'm going to start being determined and pushing it. I have to have one starting feb. I do have a temp service putting in info for me. I think i'm going to start hitting STC (Saint charles county) place to see what work they have.
Lets see for this week, who knows. It feels like i've been here for a month! i haven't really. Onlyl two weeks, but its been awesome! Katherine is in visiting. She's a handful cause she is a bundle of energy. But, I think he's got her under control. She's still dealing with the whole separation. Some days its good for her and others its not. Me and ju have to get backgrounds for Waterways and Wentzville done. Minda is helping me get my car looked at to be fixed. Its drivable but i want it back in good condition. Lots going on in general. I'll try to stay updated.
I gotta get to my school stuff. I think english was due and i got too caught up to notice. I'm going through my homework and job hunting stuff today. That is priority. I got my stuff from my old place in Pin Oak...well most of it. We'll get the rest later. i still have to fix and sort that too. No rest for the weary! oh and i'm sick too! so that doesn't help. damn sinuses!
Hope your day is well!
Friday, January 8, 2010
blah
I'll catch up on rl when i can. I know mom's like "what are you doing????" haha.
I should get home. Looks like I maybe at the bar tonight or something. May just stay home. Roads are icy at night.
I should get home. Looks like I maybe at the bar tonight or something. May just stay home. Roads are icy at night.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Cross The Line
I love superchick. I love muscians that stand up or give more than words to their music. Superchick has always stood up and made sure they can be seen in a crowd. I just saw one of their new songs from their latest album. I thought i'd share it. Its called "Cross the Line". Its about standing up and being you. We can be leaders...not followers. They know what revolution is and the good effects it brings. Sometimes we need that in our own lives. I hate doing something just cause everyone else is doing it. I will be me cause its who I am
Follow the leader, stay in the lines
What will people think of what you've done this time?
Go with the crowd, surely somebody knows
Why we're all wearing the emperor's clothes
Play it safe, play by the rules
Or don't play at all - what if you lose?
That's not the secret, but I know what is:
Everybody dies but not everyone lives
Everybody dies but not everyone lives
I'm gonna ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna....cross that line
Everybody freeze - don't step over the line
Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind
Revolutions start when someone crosses the line
They want us to lie down, give into the lie
Nothing has to change, and no one has to die
That's not the secret, but I know what is:
Everybody dies, but not everyone lives
Everybody dies, but not everyone lives
I'm gonna ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna...cross that line I'm gonna...cross that line
Follow the leader, stay in the lines
What will people think of what you've done this time?
Go with the crowd, surely somebody knows
Why we're all wearing the emperor's clothes
Play it safe, play by the rules
Or don't play at all - what if you lose?
That's not the secret, but I know what is:
Everybody dies but not everyone lives
Everybody dies but not everyone lives
I'm gonna ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna....cross that line
Everybody freeze - don't step over the line
Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries
Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind
Revolutions start when someone crosses the line
They want us to lie down, give into the lie
Nothing has to change, and no one has to die
That's not the secret, but I know what is:
Everybody dies, but not everyone lives
Everybody dies, but not everyone lives
I'm gonna ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna...cross that line I'm gonna...cross that line
I'm gonna ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
ride like I've got the cops on my tail
I'm gonna live my life like I'm out on bail
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna be out front, gonna blaze a trail
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna...cross that line
Final decision
I went out today. After my citi interview, I had a clear head. Strange how talking about your past jobs can do that! I've thought about it. I took away all the bad stuff. In mo, I have a life, chances for jobs, and everything I want. Its my home to me. That is what is important.
I have been receiving calls all day that I made to help ju find a home. Two have two rooms available. I will be looking at them next week. I really like the one in wentzville because its a house and the people are layback. I love layback. So tired of drama, seriousness, and all. I just like to relax and do whatever.
Also, it may not be as hard as i thought to become a bartender. I will be looking into that when i get there. For now, I'm just doing the resume thing.
If citi calls, I'll decide then if I will go. I think I aced it....I am not sure. But yeah...I'm actually happy and no longer confused. I really hope for the wentzville house. He sounded like he could show me around the county. Thats good cause I wanna know where things are. I want to go out and meet people. Oh yeah and my main hope of becoming a bartender! haha. Makes college good.
I don't know if i mentioned this, but I am looking into joining Aarrow Advertising. They are sign spinners. Look it up! I want to bring them to mo. It may not be this year, but I want to own a franchise in time. Saint Louis and greater saint louis areas have a lot of business. There is a lot they can do there. I feel it would be a great investment. I want to eventually expand a little into middle mo. Just have different branches of the franchise around Middle and Eastern MO. I'm hoping to find people I trust for my business staff. I plan on having layback people for the front end; training, secretary, and all. I need people who make everyone comfortable. A trainer/spinstructor has to be someone fun and lax. That will help others train. I want someone with some talent in moves too. Experience not needed! haha.
But yeah, I'm going back home. I miss it there. One week! I'll be back in O'Fallon!
I have been receiving calls all day that I made to help ju find a home. Two have two rooms available. I will be looking at them next week. I really like the one in wentzville because its a house and the people are layback. I love layback. So tired of drama, seriousness, and all. I just like to relax and do whatever.
Also, it may not be as hard as i thought to become a bartender. I will be looking into that when i get there. For now, I'm just doing the resume thing.
If citi calls, I'll decide then if I will go. I think I aced it....I am not sure. But yeah...I'm actually happy and no longer confused. I really hope for the wentzville house. He sounded like he could show me around the county. Thats good cause I wanna know where things are. I want to go out and meet people. Oh yeah and my main hope of becoming a bartender! haha. Makes college good.
I don't know if i mentioned this, but I am looking into joining Aarrow Advertising. They are sign spinners. Look it up! I want to bring them to mo. It may not be this year, but I want to own a franchise in time. Saint Louis and greater saint louis areas have a lot of business. There is a lot they can do there. I feel it would be a great investment. I want to eventually expand a little into middle mo. Just have different branches of the franchise around Middle and Eastern MO. I'm hoping to find people I trust for my business staff. I plan on having layback people for the front end; training, secretary, and all. I need people who make everyone comfortable. A trainer/spinstructor has to be someone fun and lax. That will help others train. I want someone with some talent in moves too. Experience not needed! haha.
But yeah, I'm going back home. I miss it there. One week! I'll be back in O'Fallon!
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